Yes, you’ve got it! This is one those sad stories about animals not roaming free in the wild. But take our word for it – just as everyone in the third world countries yearns for Canada, Australia or Sweden, we’re pretty sure that every animal hankers after Singapore.
Taking into account that you have to search high and low for some of the species in their extensive habitats, sometimes even missing the chance to actually see them (polar fox gets very touchy if it’s having a bad hair day) and the fact that a large number of Singaporeans spend their entire lives in rooms (with or without windows) whose floor space is approximately 10 square meters, there is no doubt whatsoever about who’s making a killing in this city.
Virtually every nook and cranny of the park provides an opportunity to enjoy in the interaction with animals. Riding elephants, smooching with the seals, splashing with the dolphins, shaking hands and fondling with the orang-utans, scampering with the macaques, feeding birds or taking part in a staring contest – plenty there to keep you busy! Some birds have become real experts in this last game.
The duck gives Gaga a long hard stare. Gaga holds its stare. A minute passes. The duck is still gawking intently. Gaga’s eyes are starting to tear. Another minute elapses. The duck doesn’t lower its steady gaze. Gaga has to order a new pair of lenses by Post Express. Game over. The duck emerges triumphant. It’s a good thing we hadn’t placed a bet. It would have annihilated us. There are several places in the city where you can see almost all the creatures from Noah’s ark.
#1 Rainforest zoological park
First and foremost, it’s the Singapore Zoo, which is, admittedly, bigger than the Singapore city itself. The animals are shipshape, well-cared-for and frolicsome, but more importantly they are in a highly seductive mood. To put it bluntly, you can’t tell who’s more horny. The whole place is simply brimming with love!
Singapore is alongside San Diego renowned as the most promiscuous animal kingdom, i.e. it is a centre for breeding of many animal species. For instance, in the photo below you can see us carefully observing how a male rhino uses his charms to woo his foxy lassie. Gaga might find this funny, but Igor is learning and taking copious notes.
#2 Night safari
This is where we first came across something called night safari. Just when we thought it would be ludicrous to roam the forest and wriggle our way through lianas at the dead of night, we managed to hop on a wobbly vehicle and were absolutely mesmerized by the pitch darkness.
The night safari is simply mind-blowing! You can hear sounds all around you. We ended up in the rear and honestly we didn’t feel quite at ease. The howl of wolves, the snigger of hyenas, the roar of lions and the glitter of eyes in the inky darkness could be seen and heard on all sides.
By the way, the tram goes into the very cages and passes through the predators’ habitats, so keep a wary eye on your toes and fingers, or else some big cat will mistake them for a midnight treat. It is absolutely incredible when one of the senses become dull or limited. Then the other senses heighten to such a degree that your imagination prompts you to envision all kinds of scenarios. In these situations, even a sheep by the road may look like a frizzy white tiger. Regrettably, we have no pics, but there is a video in which Igor is screaming like a banshee. We won’t share that with you, of course.
However, we will be delighted to share with you this female python who seems to be partial to male crotches.
#3 Jurong bird sanctuary
Yet another impressive tourist attraction is Jurong bird park. We actually cling to the belief that the birds confined in cramped cages are the saddest inhabitants of every zoo. This is scarcely true of Singapore where aviaries are literally as spacious as shopping malls. People clamber the narrow pathways high in the canopies and scamper across the suspending bridges made of lianas and ropes, with the birds in free flight on every side.
We witnessed no sexual activity around here, or perhaps we did but remained entirely unaware of it. After all, how the hell do birds mate?
Everyone is roaming around carrying fragrant fruits and succulent worms, gazing at the skies and becomes as happy as a lark when a rapacious parrot starts nibbling their fingers. Just keep pecking, birdie, bite that finger off if you like – anything for a good pic!
It is considered to be bad luck if you leave the bird park without having been shit upon. We were lucky! We got crapped on the back and shoulder, but our heads were spared. One of these flying crackerjacks succeeded in dumping his bowel waste on our camera.
Make sure to put Santosa island on your list of these wacky places if you’re looking for a chance to get acquainted with the sea world. We’ll write more about Santosa, stingrays, sharks and coral reefs in some of the upcoming posts.
A few tips and tricks:
- Buy Park Hopper tickets for the zoo, bird park and night safari if you’re planning to spend the whole day at the resort, since you’ll get a discount.
- If you’re going on the night safari, bear in mind that there is a part of the tour that can be traversed on foot. This is something you shouldn’t miss. Alone in the rainforest, waiting for that big cat to pop out of somewhere. It can’t be that sheep again!
- Do not buy pictures.
- Take the stage and play with Maggie the python. It’s not that scary when the lights go out. The lassie is more than charming!